What's missing?

What's missing?

I was riding in circles as a child,
My eyes couldn't believe,
You saw a light through the darkness and decided to leave,
No eye contact,
No conversation,
I made my last circle and I was left standing still,
I thought you went to the store,
But, it's been over forty years!
I had to learn it's ok to make mistakes,

But, l never knew how much my little heart ached!

How can any man?
Not want to touch their child's hand?
While they become sick and mute!
Because they can't compute,
Looking out the window with a stagnate stare,
I can remember my nose and fingerprints still imprinted there!
Hoping one day there'd be no reason to stare!

But, I never knew how much my little heart ached!

Our family was a strong lonely place,
Moms would tell me to get out her face!
Yes, her heart ached too!
She couldn't look at my face because it reminded her of you!
I looked in the mirror, "Damn I really do!"
That's when pain set in and over the years it grew,
Not only for me but, my brother and sister too!
Your youngest son doesn't even want to know you!

Because I've seen how their little hearts ached,

It's been over forty years!
Unanswered questions and unsatisfied tears,
How do we go forward if we can't get past here?
All the stories and lies were any true?
Because when it comes to accountability the mirror reveal  you!

Now I know why this little heart ached,

Couldn't look up to daddy only to the sky,
Tears flowed in form of question marks because God only knew why!
"You did what you did!"
Played hide and seek but, Damn! You really hid!
How could you not keep connected?
Cause and effect why didn't you try and correct it?

My little heart ached and you repeatedly left us feeling rejected!

You didn't leave a legacy, you left miles of lies,
I couldn't complete the alphabet because I couldn't remember Y!
But, could I remember Z!
Cause at the end of it all that's how you left me!
life is more than movie without retakes,
We heard one time, "Daddys home!"
We didn't even budge because we it was fake!

Saddest of it all you didn't ask if our little hearts ached!

Then we found out that you became someone else's daddy,
While mommy became ours,
That's when I realized my little ached because it was full of hate!
It's been so many years,
So many fears,
Lonely outbursts of flooding tears,
Heartbreaking enough this was the most important thing to do,
That was to a be father to my children and be nothing like you!

My little hearts not little anymore,
My heart doesn't ache,
Because we all make bad choices, bad mistakes,
So I wanted to tell you while your still living,

My heart doesn't ache because my father I'm forgiving..........

DonaldEMcKinnon eyestoink©1993  030916